Saturday, March 12, 2016

The Future is Now

On Wednesday I arrived home late after another long day at work. After putting down my bags, I sorted through a small pile of mail. I noticed Millay Colony for the Arts on the return address on one of the letters. I’ve been attending a writer’s retreat each summer for the past few years at Millay, and I’ve also applied for their month
long residency annually as well. And just a few weeks ago received an email informing me I wasn’t selected for this year’s residency program, and I thought this was just a follow up letter.  I ran my finger down the length of the envelope and pulled the folded piece of paper out from inside. Looking at the handwriting I realized it was a letter I had written to myself at the end of last year’s retreat.  I sat on a kitchen stool and read it.

June 29, 2015

Dear Gia,

I think you know who this is, I’m you, and I’m writing back to you from the future. I know this sounds a little far-fetched and probably a little hokey, but I’m at a writer’s retreat and the instructor asked us to do this exercise. Write to yourself with advice to your self as a writer. Well, here’s what I think you should know.

I know your brain is probably spinning these days, between your job, other commitments, upcoming major surgery, your desire to write, and taking care of yourself, but let me reassure you, you’re making the right decisions, and soon you’ll be able to honor more of your desires and wishes. In the meantime focus on the now, live in the moment, and remember you can only control so much, the rest will take care of itself somehow.  I know all you want to do is walk away from it all, and just write, heal, and grow into the new you, but go slowly. It may not always seem like it, but you’re fragile. And you’re just about to embark on a huge new chapter of your life, heck you’re getting a new face! 

I’m so proud of you for owning your own happiness and choosing to live openly and honestly as yourself. I know you feel you got the short end of the stick when you began your transition, but you’re in such a better place now, don’t you ever forget it. So do what you have to do at work, what you’re doing is important. Be positive about your surgery, stay open minded, and remind yourself why you’re doing it. Make time to write and continue to share your story, because there’s no one else like you. Your story is unique and who knows, it might save a life. I know because writing probably saved your life.  You're also probably telling yourself, I'm not worthy and there are plenty of better writers out there, but trust me, the words you use are smart, honest, and while they're sometimes dark, they're also funny and real, just like you.

And one more thing, you will find LOVE again, trust me.

Love always,